Category Archives: Whimsical

Florence paused at the door, “what the hell did you just say?”

She watched as their only daughter Susan, wearing a face like thunder had jumped into her car and  set off up up the road with a screech of tyres and a trail of smoke.

Her husband Jim, sitting at the table looked guiltily at his wife. Then he couldn’t stop the corners of his mouth turning up as he started to smile.

“All I said was if she was going to sit outside wearing any less clothes, the neighbours would think she’d forgotten the bathtub. It was only a joke. I didn’t think she was that touchy.”

“Oh Jim, after all these years, will you never learn?”

“Navigator’s yeoman to the bridge at the double,” the pipe was loud and clear and I could see the panic on Able Seaman Ralph’s face as as he raced across the mess to the forward ladder.

“Looks like old Ralph is in for a hard time,” I thought.

I decided to follow as it could be something everyone could have a laugh about later so started to make my way up to the bridge.

The navigator was pointing the finger at the chart on the table at the back of the bridge and saying to Ralph, “Now are you sure you haven’t missed an alteration to the chart, do you how serious that could be? ”

”No Sir, I heard the siren but thought nothing of it.”

”Well have a bloody look up ahead, is that or is it not a starboard buoy when all the rest are port?”

”Navvie, you’d better have a look at this,” the Officer of the Watch, laughing, interjected.

”What is it now, “ irritation in the Navigator’s voice apparent.

”Well, that so-called buoy is just a couple of idiot holidaymakers with a bright green umbrella , we’ll radio the harbourmaster to go and pick them up.

’

“Wow, look at that Dad,” The dad in question was trying hard not to show his own excitement.

They were standing high on the cliffs watching waves crashing into the beach below. Not only waves but numerous figures standing on multi-coloured surfboards rushing in with each breaker.

“Dad, “ his son pleaded, “can we get a surfboard?”

“Sorry Davey but you know that they are expensive and how often could you use it?”

“Awww,” the disappointment showed.

The afternoon was spoilt.

Next morning Davey went out before breakfast. Worried, his father went to find him. Then he saw the fence.

It was no good, I couldn’t rest with that strange looking animal sitting next to my bed. I pushed the lid aside and started to crawl out from under the marble. My visitor showed no sense of alarm, just sat there with his tongue protruding and a silly grin on his face. Shaking the dirt and dust of decades from my shroud I sat beside him and gently patted his head.

“I think you’re a bit late if you’ve come to rescue me. And aren’t you supposed to be a Saint Bernard or something bigger like that. What happened, did you shrink after getting wet in the snow? Your brandy bottle seems to have changed, a little handbag is it nowadays? I suppose that’s down to advances in medical science. After my time in there I think I’ve seen the light so the lantern is a waste as well. Anyway feller, I think it’s time for you to go home, no way are you going  to save my life. Should have come around a long  time ago for that but Thanks anyway.”