I scan the shelves and my eyes alight upon a magazine I haven’t read for a couple of months. To encourage my desire to maintain a reasonable level of fitness in my advancing years and on the advice of my GP. I remove it from the shelf. As is customary nowadays it is encased in a clear polythene wrapper. Oblivious to the current concern about single use plastic the publishers appear to share my own irritation at the number of people I see reading all the magazines without a thought of purchase, thus leaving the merchandise in second-hand condition, creased pages and dog-eared corners and all. After purchase I get the magazine to the car and head home. Eagerly I tear my way in and as I turn the first page an avalanche of paper leaflets fall onto the table thence onto the floor. Upon retrieval I glance at the inane sheaf of brightly coloured sheets. Amidst the promises of untold riches if I am willing to make a telephone call for a mere two pounds a minute I notice one extolling the virtues of a home stairlift, a winch to raise me from the bathtub and a host of ingenious ideas to make life easier in the home. Very helpful to an expected clientele of people considering conquering all the long distance footpaths in Britain or walking holidays in the country of their choice. At least they haven’t been clogging up the hard-pressed postal system.
she turns with a smile,
smooth white limbs
encased in mesh, not feathers
will she fly with me?
I’d like a photo in there said Anne
so off we went, camera in hand
but first I had to pee,
she held it for me
and that’s how our romance began
The sun rises once more
but now breeds understanding
first dawn of mankind
I stood at the side of the lake scanning all around the horizon, “yes, it’s all quiet, “I thought, “so I can get this awful costume off. I have collected what I came for, well, he did really,” suppressing a slight giggle at the un-intentioned pun. Reaching between my legs I released the carefully concealed catch and the smooth, dry-textured, false skin started to split open. With a little effort, due to the tightness of the fit, I was able to peel the head and torso over the top of my crest to hang like a deflated balloon around my waist before rolling the lower half down my legs to the ground. It lay on the bank, a shapeless, porcine mass. My whole body shuddered, “Yuk, ” I thought, “how do they look at themselves in this, it’s creepy. ”
The air felt cool against my scales and once more checking that the shore was deserted I picked up the bundle and walked down to the water’s edge. Eagerly slipping into the cold waters I prepared to swim down to the bottom where the committee, would be eagerly waiting. Once again I, like few others successfully, had completed my task and the technicians would be able to continue their work.
I thought about my encounter the previous evening with the one interesting looking specimen who sat alone looking rather bored. He did manage to raise a smile when he caught me looking at him, even more so when he imagined a welcoming smile in return. Perhaps he must have thought that his luck was in when he felt that I started coming on to him. It had been hard work trying to convince him that my intentions were purely to come out, have a few drinks and hopefully a good time with a little romance thrown in. In our carefully contrived conversation I had established his capacity to satisfy my needs. He had once been married with a family but now alone and in need of some company. He could never have guessed the real reason for my eagerness.
If he could see me now he would swear that it had all been a bad dream, very bad, after he had stopped retching of course. No doubt he would then have had a very long shower, alone this time, before throwing all the bedclothes in the machine to wash away any lingering memories. Even the funny video camera he had used, for reference purposes, his words not mine, would have been thrown away I’m sure.
I had been a little worried at one stage, wondering if the sample I needed would ever be collected but we eventually got a large enough amount deposited correctly. Now I was able to carry some more of this essential human sperm back to the colony where it would help in our next spawning. Not too many more trips and there would be enough of our hybrids, each spawning more successful and Earth-race like than the last. Then they would be able to break free from the waters. Their newly developed breathing organs would be strong enough to start the colonisation of the planet so meticulously planned and prepared for after our escape from Mars..
From the highest peak
down to the deepest valley,
see Nature’s wonders
Rather than marriage they chose fun
Not just Svarovski
in Nature, jewels are found,
I asked my single mum, neighbour, Denise
to come with me on my boat out to sea
as the temperature rose
she stripped off all her clothes
but sadly her dark hair stretched right down to her knees
Strings cannot withstand
the consummate elegance
of the wielded bow,
low tears wrenched from moistened eyes,
released by the cello’s mood.