When the pen takes control.

Susan was throwing a party

hoping all her friends could be there

with lots of food and booze to spare

some of her friends could be tarty

which would make the fun more hearty

but one mistake made her say oops

when up from the barracks some troops

arrived while the drink was flowing

and insults they started throwing

upsetting all the other groups

Throughout the land I will be known

as the protector of the English crown

Five kings of England served by me,

there were Richard, John and three Henrys

keeping them safe was my game

William Marshal was my name

I feel that I really should applaud her

for keeping my bed in such disorder

for if I just wanted to relax

she would have provided paperbacks

but instead I sit here on this ledge

and my bum feels every sharp, hard edge.